I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
