I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
