I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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