If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sober January is a disaster.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
