Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
