mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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