I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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