I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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