Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
