I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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