I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
