You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
