Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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