tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize