Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
