i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
where does the pee come out of this thing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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