Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
