You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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