i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dick very happy bro
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
