I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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