your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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