i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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