i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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