I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
