i permit you to call me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
