I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
