The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
