I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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