I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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