did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize