i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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