I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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