Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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