Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
