I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
