Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
