I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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