Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
