Plan B is the new Plan A
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
