i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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