Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
