apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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