Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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