so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
