We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
