Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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