he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
