go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
