I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize