Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
