I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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