remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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