My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
