where does the pee come out of this thing
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
