it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
