UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
