I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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