Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
