hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my liver is dry heaving
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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