i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
