Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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