Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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