I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
