You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
