Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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