two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
