I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
