Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
