The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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