Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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