it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
