i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize