first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
