I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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