I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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