so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
