suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
