I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
