capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize