I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
