Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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