how can u be prego again
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
