can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
