Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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