Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
