I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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