Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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