Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
