I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
