sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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