I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
