My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
