It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
