Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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