She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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