one two three fourrrrnication!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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