Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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