: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
