you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this will be a night to untag.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
