also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
