his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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