Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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