Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
