I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
