No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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