Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had sex on a roof
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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