I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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