I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
