Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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