ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
