She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
