On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
