Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My cat gives me a boner
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
