Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize